I was watching the final episode of F.R.I.E.N.D.S last night for the nth time.Each time i watch the scene when all of them leave their keys to the apartment to give it back to their landlord,it takes me back to the day when i faced something similar around 3 years back.
I had left a place which i had stayed in for 21 years of my life.As a family we were not drifters as such.In fact my father was born and brought up in that same house,so i dont even want to think about how he must have felt when we left our old home.But i can assure you,he handled the departure much better than i did!For me,the place was about roots,about memories..it was the place where i took my first baby steps,the place where i made some very good childhood friends,the place where every person knew me and vice versa.Every where i looked around i could sense familiarity and always got a feeling of belonging.But times and circumstances had changed and due to myriad reasons (which fortunately or unfortunately are unexplainable here) we decided that it was time to move on.To leave all this behind and get set for a new beginning.
I dont do change very well.And believe me,this definitely tops the 'list of drastic changes' in my life.But i 'had to be mature about this' and had to accept it.It had to happen some day and someday was 9th January 2005.I still remember my final swirl around the empty house after everything had been moved.Thats when it sunk in that,this was it!Thats when the tears came,because the moving and packing had not really left time enough for me to sit and ponder about leaving the house.It was one of those overwhelming moments which I dont think i would ever forget.It was at that time i wished that we also led a nomadic existence like some of our family friends or my own friends for that matter,who could change homes as easily as they changed clothes!! Whether they did that out of necessity or for the mere thrill of it,I would not know.But i sure at that moment wished that i could handle the 'moving' syndrome as easily as they did.It sure would have hurt lesser.
It was all over as my father handed over the keys to our landlord.I closed my eyes and tried to feel my grandma's presence one last time in the house.I did that when i sought an unidentified strength from her which i always miraculously got.And thats when she coaxed my feet out of the house saying it was for the best and things would change for the better.But i was not in a mood to believe that.A lot of people had let me down in my life at that point in time and it upset me to think she was also one of them.Wiping my tear rimmed eyes, I stepped out of the house with heart brimming with emotions.None of us spoke on our way to our new home.It was better that way,we agreed in words which were better left unspoken.
I entered my new house.My mom started opening the cartons and arranging things in her usual 'clinical 'virgo' precision way' as i like to call it.Dad was busy barking orders to the moving guys to be careful with the cartons. Bhaiya was busy counter barking the same orders that my dad was giving:).I shook my head,smiled and said to myself,somethings never changed!I moved to my room and dropped my quota of cartons and heaved a sigh of relief. Phew! we had done it!the moving was officially over .And then, instinctively (or maybe out of habit) i got up, closed my eyes again,in one last ditch attempt to feel my grandma's presence.Yes!I could feel her smiling down at me and i knew,i had just come home:)..She had not let me down after all....
P.S. My song for the blog...Angels by Robbie Williams:).This goes out to my grandma whom i have never seen,but whose presence in my life has always kept me going.
I had left a place which i had stayed in for 21 years of my life.As a family we were not drifters as such.In fact my father was born and brought up in that same house,so i dont even want to think about how he must have felt when we left our old home.But i can assure you,he handled the departure much better than i did!For me,the place was about roots,about memories..it was the place where i took my first baby steps,the place where i made some very good childhood friends,the place where every person knew me and vice versa.Every where i looked around i could sense familiarity and always got a feeling of belonging.But times and circumstances had changed and due to myriad reasons (which fortunately or unfortunately are unexplainable here) we decided that it was time to move on.To leave all this behind and get set for a new beginning.
I dont do change very well.And believe me,this definitely tops the 'list of drastic changes' in my life.But i 'had to be mature about this' and had to accept it.It had to happen some day and someday was 9th January 2005.I still remember my final swirl around the empty house after everything had been moved.Thats when it sunk in that,this was it!Thats when the tears came,because the moving and packing had not really left time enough for me to sit and ponder about leaving the house.It was one of those overwhelming moments which I dont think i would ever forget.It was at that time i wished that we also led a nomadic existence like some of our family friends or my own friends for that matter,who could change homes as easily as they changed clothes!! Whether they did that out of necessity or for the mere thrill of it,I would not know.But i sure at that moment wished that i could handle the 'moving' syndrome as easily as they did.It sure would have hurt lesser.
It was all over as my father handed over the keys to our landlord.I closed my eyes and tried to feel my grandma's presence one last time in the house.I did that when i sought an unidentified strength from her which i always miraculously got.And thats when she coaxed my feet out of the house saying it was for the best and things would change for the better.But i was not in a mood to believe that.A lot of people had let me down in my life at that point in time and it upset me to think she was also one of them.Wiping my tear rimmed eyes, I stepped out of the house with heart brimming with emotions.None of us spoke on our way to our new home.It was better that way,we agreed in words which were better left unspoken.
I entered my new house.My mom started opening the cartons and arranging things in her usual 'clinical 'virgo' precision way' as i like to call it.Dad was busy barking orders to the moving guys to be careful with the cartons. Bhaiya was busy counter barking the same orders that my dad was giving:).I shook my head,smiled and said to myself,somethings never changed!I moved to my room and dropped my quota of cartons and heaved a sigh of relief. Phew! we had done it!the moving was officially over .And then, instinctively (or maybe out of habit) i got up, closed my eyes again,in one last ditch attempt to feel my grandma's presence.Yes!I could feel her smiling down at me and i knew,i had just come home:)..She had not let me down after all....
P.S. My song for the blog...Angels by Robbie Williams:).This goes out to my grandma whom i have never seen,but whose presence in my life has always kept me going.
3 comments:
quiet profound...and very true...
change is very hard to accept, especially when things are going well, and you seem to be in a state of equilibrium...
hehe..u r right..whoever said change is the only constant,screw him dude!!!!:)
Was through and through soulful! and guess wot...though i never penned down my thoughts when i left muscat (a house i had thot ws home till i "came home to mumbai" :), coz i had spent 10 formative yrs of my life there) these wr the exact same emotions that had filled me then..
Kudos babe!
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